My name is Tim Hanlon. An old fan. I am curious, as you are the uber marketing guy, Why is there not a KISS chopper. (Motorcycle) I saw a KISS bike on the cover of a friends Catalog, (War Eagle) Is it in production? I have heard from people in the industry you have aproached a few companies. Bottom line is you could sell a shit load of bikes, if it is done correctly. I know this as my company is connected to all the hot shots (and not so hot shots) in the industry. I have watched many bike makers fail and a few succeed, and, in general know the numbers. There is a pattern. Anyway, Enough of that crap. I will be checking out your show in Albequerque, My 10 year old son cant wait.

Regards, Tim

Response from Gene:

Yes. I have been trying to get a chopper going for years. We got close a few times. People tend to think life is as simple as saying "why don't you have a KISS or Gene Simmons Table. Everyone has to eat on one. You'll sell zillions." Maybe it WOULD sell. But, deals are made up of real questions that have to be answered. Who manufactures? Who distributes? Who pays for the price of goods? Who's responsible for the advance, against royalties? Ad infinitum. Ad nauseum. Point is, we all have great ideas. But they don't mean much in the real world.

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Dear Gene,

I am currently listening to the promo cd for ASSHOLE and I must say, this is a masterpiece. I also listened to the Bonus Tracks and Waiting For The Morning would make a great single in my opinion. It has a modern sound to it, but still has the classic Gene in it. Will be buying the Gold Package tomorrow....see you on tour! Mike

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hello gene,

i recently heard your interview on wdve in pittsburgh. when you said kiss fans even name their kids after my songs. were you remebering my letter telling you i named my daughter "charisma" ? just curious. john ferringer

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BODY MEETING

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.

"I should be in charge," said the brain, "because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen".

"No, I should be in charge," said the blood, "because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."

"No, I should be in charge," said the stomach," because I process food and give all of you energy."

"No, I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"No, I should be in charge," said the eyes, "because I allow the body to see where it goes."

"No, I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.

The moral of the story?
...

The arsehole is usually in charge.

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Dear Gene,

I read on a website that your gonna have your own talk show. Is there any truth to that?

your fan,

JJ

Response from Gene:

We talked about it. But, I have since refused.

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I saw this email and thought Gene would get a kick out of it

My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last:


1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine, some good food and companionship. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in Sydney and mine is in Melbourne.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker Then she said, "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!". So I bought her an electric chair.

7. Remember.... Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. Statistically, 100% of all divorces started with marriage.

8. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

9. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

10. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?".... I said, "Dust!"


John Mccormick

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Hi Gene,

I’m from Germany and just watched „Gottschalk AMERICA“ in German Television.
Thomas Gottschalk visited you in you Beverly Hills House. I was very impressed! My favorite part of his visit was as you
Let him hear a piece of your new Solo Album ASSHOLE. It was cool to see Thomas rock with you. I can’t wait to hear
The complete Album. I hope it will be soon available in Germany.
Also great was the short look into you private Museum. Do you really collect all Merchandise Stuff for yourself? Cool.
I’m sure this takes more than only one room to carry. Show us more of it or make a collectibe book or catalog of all that stuff.
And as you told Thomas, i had and will always hear to my Mom.
Longtime Fan
Jürgen G.
Germany

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Gene,

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Cannot Explain

A farmer was sitting in abar getting drunk. A man came in and asked the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?"

The farmer shook his head and replied, "Some things you just can't explain."

"So what happened that's so horrible?", the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer. "Well," the farmer said, "today I was sitting by my cow, milking her. Just as I got the bucket full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket."

"Okay",said the man "but that's not so bad."

"Some things you just can't explain," the farmer replied. "I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left. Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket."

The man laughed and said, "Again?"

The farmer replied,"Some things you just can't explain. I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right. Well I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail. Some things you just can't explain"

"So, what did you do?" the man asked.

"Well," the farmer said, "I didn't have anymore rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. At that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in...Some things you just can't explain."